This way, you’ll never have to look at social media ever again. *
* except to see who’s died.
I, Sarah VanArsdal, solemnly swear that I intend to only use your email address for good (specifically, to notify you when I publish a new article or video), and that I definitely will not under any circumstances use it for spammy purposes (even though the definition of ‘spammy’ is apparently now subjective), nor will I use it to sell you something–besides my face, which is free–nor do I intend to ever use the word ‘nor’ ever again in any future work, nor do I intend to write run-on sentences even a fraction of this length…ever again in my life…and…end-divisible, with libertine and Justin-for-all. Amen!